Strong Enough

In these modern times, we have access to so many resources and opportunities that it can often times be extremely overwhelming. I am part of a generation of go-getters, of innovators, of new technology and faster, smaller, better. And as this occurs, so does the pressure to be perfect and to live up to the expectations of this generation. Especially with women, we are bombarded with ideas, inspirations and what not on how to be better and more perfect. How we can become smarter, prettier, funnier and yet being tested with meaningless quizzes and games that state they can tell you something about yourself. It is so easy to get lost in this chaos and nonsense and begin to lose faith in the person you thought you could be.

Pressure to be perfect can be a good thing but it also can be extremely detrimental to an individual. Especially in a college setting, it is so easy to compare accolades with peers and deem yourself unworthy. Lately, I have been going through a lot of this and have been questioning my academic decisions- whether or not I am truly capable of being a conceptual artist, whether I just went into art because I was good at drawing, not because it was my passion. These daunting questions have overwhelmed me to the point where I am constantly questioning my own relevance as a person and an artist.

To describe how this has felt, I decided to do a performance piece inspired by the many performance artists who utilized physical restraints within their work. I took one set of weights and six jars full of acrylic paint to use as my weights. It was important to me to use paints as weights to reference the pressure and struggle of making good art and also because I find them extremely heavy despite their small size. I clothed my weights in red fabric with the intention of subtly referencing female menstruation and the problems that can often be tied specifically to women. I will hang two of these weights around my neck, one in front and one in back. I will hang two of them on my shoulders and the two real weights on my wrists, making it very difficult for me to move or lift my arms. I plan on hanging a piece of paper above my head and attempting to write consoling phrases about my head in an attempt to make myself ‘feel better’ about the weights that hold me down. I will write in black with my right hand and in red with my left. My right hand is my dominant hand and will probably have more legible writing however my left hand will be barely readable. This is supposed to reference how diluted and abstract these phrases can get after saying them so often until they lose their meaning completely.  

Due to the large amount of weight and the pain of the strings on my neck and arms, I plan to write for as long as possible, or until I fill the page. This will be a test of my ability to tolerate pain as well as a physical representation of what I have been going through emotionally.